Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Your Bipolar is Showing

It's probably a good thing that I've gained so much weight in the last five or six years. It keeps my formerly attractive figure / face hidden.

Yes, I used to be much cuter (though my mom says I'm still pretty, ha!) and even won first runner up in a pageant (don't judge me!). You shoulda seen my smokin' hot bod in the bathing suit competition. *giggle* case you aren't aware, sometimes Bipolar can manifest itself ... well ... how do I put this? Sometimes a bipolar fit can manifest in sexual promiscuity. How's that? I remember times when I'd flirt with anything male. *sigh* Not that I'm proud of it - it did cause some complications. I ended up cheating on a boyfriend in the middle of the night with a coworker of my mothers. How's that for sordid? [He wasn't *that* much older ... 8 or 9 years I think...maybe 10.]

But even now I get these urges ... and I don't even know how to describe it ... if you aren't bipolar or haven't had these ups and downs you probably could never fully comprehend.

I'm incredibly lucky to have had a such strong guilt complex or I would probably have been pregnant at 15 (no I wasn't having sex then ... the church and guilt saved me!) ... but I certainly was a HUGE flirt. I have been since kindergarten when I chased the boys on the big toys. And yes, I chased them! And cornered them. *evil grin*

Of course, I wasn't diagnosed until after I graduated high school, but it sure does explain a lot.

And today I'm feeling rowdy. So again ... it's a good thing I have a few extra pounds and a nice guilty conscience. =)

Bipolar isn't an excuse for loose or morally questionable behavior. I take full responsibility for my actions in the past (and future). But it sure doesn't help!!! It sometimes takes a lot of will power to control some of my urges (no they aren't all sexual).

And this has been a look into my sordid bipolar life. Thank you. Come again.

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