What's Your Resolution?

I avoid making New Year's resolutions. I rarely keep them. Last year I actually stuck with my resolution to not eat chocolate for a couple of months. But once I got pregnant I gave up (until I found out I had gestational diabetes...but that's another issue).

I like the idea from this article about not procrastinating when it comes to having fun or enjoyment in life. Don't postpone life.

This means a lot to me as we have had six officers killed in less than 3 months here in Washington State. I want to make as many memories with my husband and son as we can possibly have. Even the simple memories of just reading a book together.

My goal for the New Year is to study hard and pass my insurance license test so I can start a new career that will allow me to live life for my family and myself instead of for an office and corporation.

What is your goal?

Have a very Happy New Year!!!

My Husband is a PERSON!

Some asshole shot and murdered four police officers today...just 30 minutes from our house. A person of interest has been announced and he had a record of assaulting a police officer and raping a child. Why the hell is he even out of jail?!?!

I hope that they find this ass and shoot him in the head. I don't want him to have a trial, costing the tax payers millions of dollars in appeals and defense. Nor do I want him just sitting on death row for decades, as our state rarely executes anyone.

I'm sick. Just sick to my stomach. My husband works as an officer. He has a family - a newborn son! That some jerk off would hate police so much that they would randomly take the life of someone with family, friends, hopes, and dreams makes me beyond angry...rage. I would pull the trigger or flip the switch on him myself! I can only imagine how the families of these four officers feel right now...and I never want to experience it myself.

For all those who like to hate on cops, just remember that they are people too. They are not perfect. They are HUMAN beings with lives and families. They make mistakes. But they risk their lives every single shift to do their jobs trying to make our lives safer.

Incidents like these don't just affect those families...but indirectly it affects all of us. Officers will be ever more vigilent, and more defensive, in the way they practice law enforcement. So if an officer pulls you over, he/she may approach your car slower, with hand on gun, and may not be as friendly. And I wouldn't blame them one bit.

If my hubby seems rude or harsh when contacting someone, I don't care. As long as he comes home alive and safe after every shift. I need him and our son needs him.

Women Are Sacred

*sigh*

That's the bumper sticker I got to see on my way to work this morning. Of course, it was next to a "Women for Obama" sticker. Shocking, right?

But what kind of statement is that? Women are sacred...what about men? What if some little boy reads that ... what is he going to think ... that he's chop liver?

How about that ALL life is sacred?

Oh but that would be too controversial because how do you define life?

Well, for this pregnant lady I define the little bean inside me as life. I've heard its heart beat and seen it flutter.

Life is sacred. Not just women. Not just men. All people, even the unborn ones.

I hate radical feminism.

8 Weeks and 4 Days

I am counting down the days to my second trimester and I had better NOT be one of those women who have "morning" sickness the whole way through pregnancy or I might have to protest. I don't know who I'd protest but someone would get an ear full.

We had our first ultra sound yesterday...dang that heart beat is STRONG. And they confirmed the due date...almost exactly the estimated due date...October 3. That's a lot of October birthdays for our family ... my grandma's was Oct 2. I have an aunt, uncle, and sister in law in October as well. I bet my kid gets more presents though. :)

I am utterly and completely miserable. I'm nauseous ALL freaking day long. None of this 'morning' crap and move on. Oh no. It's all day and night.

Saltines only help temporarily. Ginger Ale makes me burp. They have a yummy smoothie at work that actually seems to help for about an hour. Of course it costs over $3! But I will gladly pay for temporary relief.

Of course, my nausea last night probably had more to do with the blathering idiot I'm supposed to call president. I couldn't take more than 5 minutes.

I will say that Michelle at least looked more fashionable...purple is a good color for her.

Throw Away Society

Medved is talking about a case in Florida of an abortion clinic doing horrendous things. More horrendous than cutting up babies in the womb.

A baby was BORN in the abortion clinic. An autopsy has proven that the baby took a breath - its lungs filled with air.

The workers cut the umbilical cord and stuffed the LIVE - LIVING - BABY in a biohazard bag.

I do not think there is much more evil than that. What kind of person could do such a thing?

According to the complaint, she gave birth at a Hialeah clinic after waiting hours for Renelique to arrive. The complaint said one of the clinic owners put the baby in a bag that was thrown away.

Police found the infant's decomposing remains a week later.

I want to throw up.

I believe that minutes before it was born it was also alive and deserved life. It was a future human being who deserves respect and the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But once it was born, and fully outside the womb, it was legally a fully fledged human being, protected by law.

As someone who has wanted a baby for years, the "thing" growing in my uterus is not just a "thing". It is not a lifeless clump of cells. The moment we conceived it had unique DNA from me and my husband. It was human. It wasn't just an appendage or extra skin growth. My finger could never become a new human life if left alone to grow. The cells growing inside me are LIFE.

At around 7 weeks (nearly) it has started growing limbs and features that we can identify as human. And we talk about 'it' as a baby, a human, a future part of our lives.

It has a future. Unknown, except by God, but limitless.

My stomach aches when reading about this story. The idea that abortion is simply a medical procedure to remove unwanted cells, like amputating a finger, is sick and wrong. I do not come to my beliefs based on my religion. Science shows me that late term abortions are evil, sick, and wrong. And that no self proclaimed advanced society should allow them.

In 6th grade I wrote an essay in support of abortion. I didn't know what the hell I was talking about and was merely spouting back what I had been taught. In the 7th grade I read a book in the library and there were pictures of apes in the uterus at very young ages...it was some sort of science book. You could see the shapes and the future apes they would become. Not lifeless cells with no purpose or future life.

I have seen horrible pictures of tiny limbs, with fingers and toes, ripped from inside a woman. I have seen babies small enough to fit inside a person's palm but with all their human features - killed before their future could begin. I have seen the graphic drawings showing the procedure where a doctor punctures the back of the skull of the CHILD inside the womb, and sucks out the brains, before removing it piece by piece. I have read about the horror former abortion doctors went through in doing their "duty" ... which is why they are former.

This issue is obviously close to my heart right now as I wait for my little one to grow bigger...I'm still worried about losing him or her to a miscarriage. The issue will mean even more to me when I am able to feel the little crumb cruncher moving around inside of me...when I can hear the heartbeat. It's not just an appendage.

I'm A Little Freaked Out

I peed on a stick last night.

Less than 30 seconds afterward it showed two lines ... pregnant.

I stared ... and stared ... and started laughing. What the hell were we thinking?!?!?! We want kids WHY?!?! What makes us think we can be good parents???!!!??? We can hardly take care of ourselves.

I'm a little freaked out to say the least. Hubby looked at the stick and said "the lines are too far apart" ... he's so literal. I told him it didn't matter ... two lines is two lines. I think he's a little freaked out too.

He immediately wanted to start calling people - to which I told him no way, no how. I don't want ANYONE to know ... you know, except those folks on the interwebz. None of my family reads my blog so I'm good there.

I'm just worried about being so early in the process ... if I miscarry I would not want to have to go tell everyone what happened. So I want to wait to tell family.

I do need to tell my coworker though. Since I'm bipolar I have NO idea how pregnancy will affect me.

There are so many other things I don't know and am stressing about now.

Do hot showers hurt the baby? I like scalding water.

What about exercise? I have agility practice tonight. What if I fall? I'm not the most coordinated gal to begin with and I hear that pregnancy makes it worse.

Hell I worry about going over bumps in the road - will I knock the cells loose?

See??!?!!! I'm totally freaking out.

Not to mention we need to put together a will - something we should have done ages ago but it becomes even more important.

What about my jewelry?!?! Our guest bedroom will become the baby's room and right now it is set up as my photo studio. We're going to need to clean out the garage and make space for me to take photos in there. Although how much jewelry will I really feel like making in the next 9 months? Not to mention after the little rug rat is born.

Hubby is already talking about names. He's hilarious.

Okay...I will try not to let this blog become the mommy baby blog. But I probably won't be able to help talking about it a bit. Especially when I freak out ... like now. Or when The One makes decisions that will affect my offspring. Damn him and his "stimulus" package.

No really...I'm fine. =)

End of Life Care - Survey

An interesting new survey at dNeero. This is one subject that has come up within my family. When my grandmother was alive she was always sick. She was a hypochondriac. But being a hypochondriac doesn't mean that you don't or won't really get sick. Toward the end she landed in the hospital and we thought she was a gonner. The hospital emergency staff thought she was dead when she came in - her heart rate was that low.

My mom, grandfather, and uncle were talking about whether to keep her on the external pace maker or remove it. I was horrified. This was my grandmother they were talking about. I was a mess and had no idea whether or not grandma would make it through the night.

She was a tough ol bird and pulled through but really started going down hill faster after that. When she finally left us it was almost a relief. Almost.

I don't think I could have made the decision to pull the plug. I believe in miracles and after her big scare she still lived more than a year. Was it a quality life? It wasn't the same quality she used to have...but then again while at home she slept most of the time anyway. So it wasn't really all that different when she was in the nursing home. She slept. And slept. She'd wake up when guests visited and we had some really great conversations...reminiscing about old days. I would not have had those memories if they'd pulled the plug.

If I had a life ending disease I would not want anyone to give up on me. There are always miracles. People in comas for 20 years wake up. People with cancer eating away at them can be cured. As long as I have breath I will have hope. So to me it is just wrong to end your life earlier than God intended.

I say that even as I know how painful the end of life can be. My father died of cancer when I was 8 and the last week of his life was a morphine filled time. I'm sure he ultimately did kill himself through the use of the morphine. His pain was great and unending. It's my understanding that the hospital staff took away the barrier to how much he could get and I'm glad for that. But I still don't think that the doctors should have had the right to inject him with a final lethal dose. A doctor is supposed to do no harm and I can't think of anything more harmful than causing death.



It's not an easy or black/white issue for sure.