Friday, August 28, 2009

More Bad News

Because there isn't enough stress in my life right now.

Yesterday I had another Non Stress Test (NST) and hubby came with me. It was nice because he got to see what I go through with these things. Of course the boy wasn't moving very much ... he tends to have on days and off days and yesterday was an off day. This morning appears to be an on day. :)

But the stressful part of the appointment came when they started looking at my blood sugars. This gestational diabetes thing is really difficult and my body is not cooperating. Even when I eat something that should NOT raise my blood sugar, my score is too high. Of course I haven't been eating *that* well so some of the scores were because of my own choices.

So the doc and nurse said if I can't get my scores down in the next 4 days I'll have to be sent up to UW Medical even more often so they can start monitoring me there. :( Which would totally suck. I hate driving to Seattle, and the parking is expensive.

After the appointment we went over to the hospital to visit my mother in law. She is in for a 6 day round of chemo. And she had bad news for us. Her white counts were way too high and the doctor thinks that her cancer is back...after an all too brief remission. They'll find out for sure today.

What sucks is that she is not going to do everything she can to beat it. She's hoping for 6 months, at the most. And that just drives me insane! If you can fight something you should fight it. I feel like she's just giving up...something I said and she denies.

I know how hard the last full month round of treatment was for her. She had a minor stroke and had bleeding in the brain that only stopped through a miracle (they can't operate) - there were several times when they thought they were going to lose her. But we didn't! She made it.

She is refusing to have any sort of bone marrow transplant because the doctor says the odds are 20-30% she'd die during treatment. Which to me translates to a 70-80% chance of making it through!

I don't understand giving up. Yes, she's 69 years old. So what?!? That doesn't automatically mean she should refuse treatment and leave this planet early. She's going to be a grandma for Pete's sake. And she's saying all she wants is the opportunity to hold him.


So right now, her plan is to get blood transfusions, which should give her around 6 months. It would be nice to have her at least through Christmas.

It was not a good evening and I couldn't hold back the tears...although crying isn't exactly something new for me lately.

I know it's her life. And her right to decide what treatment she accepts. I know that logically. I don't accept it though.


pamibe said...

Bad news heaped on bad news. I'm so sorry...!

My husband is 63; 69 is not old these days... but maybe she feels as though it is... if she has a defeatist attitude, then she's condemning herself.

Take care of yourself!

Anonymous said...

Wow..rough day all around. I'll be thinking of you and your family. Let's home your MIL comes around. Maybe it's just the rigorous routine of chemo that is consuming her right now.

Good luck on your gestational diabetes thing there as well. My wife had it too..but, not as bad as what you have right now. Just keep monitoring it. Sounds like your docs are on top of it though.

cornyman said...

I'm sorry to hear about that. I hope you will be find with your gestational diabetes test. I was nervous too when i had these tests during the pregnancy. But soon when you see your little one, you will feel everything is worthwhile. Take care of yourself.

Your MIL case reminds my grandfather. He had the stroke for many years, he never could move himself. The only place he would be was on his bed. I always wondered what he was thinking about during the days. I did not have the chance to know, because he could not speak too. Sometimes i would wonder it is better to live like this or leave the planet earlier.

But your MIL is another situation. I do hope she will get well soon. She needs the support of you all. She needs the courage to make the decision.

All the best for your family. :-)

Pricilla said...

I watched my mother die at 60. From throat cancer. She fought for a bit but I think it just became too much. Remember the generation before has different attitudes towards doctors and dying than younger generations.
Doctors are humans and do make mistakes just like the rest of us. I have been sick for going on 13 years now and have seen my share of good and bad doctors.

I am sorry for your difficulties and rejoice in your mother in law's remission.